Insanity.

By Natalie Dhavaheri

I remember when I first went crazy, I felt it happening, felt my mind spiraling out of control, instead of doing something to stop it I just gave into the demon and decided to lose my mind. I recall the day as if it was yesterday. I felt something going through my body, it was stronger than just á spiritual feeling, it was an intense physical feeling. like á sudden switch of being, take the normal person out, & put this crazy person in.


Breathe in

Breathe out


The timing was peculiar, I was driving, listening to my Lennon CD20really becoming one with the music, the sun was shining through my open sunroof, windows down, sunglasses on, wind blowing through my straighten hair. The air was breathtaking and day was beautiful. Within moments I felt the feeling beginning to take place, at first I felt a warm sensation going through my body, starting with my fingertips, the nail polish on my fingers came to life, switching colors from light pink to devilish red, Woah that in itself scared me silly. I glimpsed at my surroundings, I was in my car in bumper to bumper traffic, leaving west Los Angeles and entering Beverly Hills, I was right on the boarder.


I shook my head about, I scanned my car and I see everything is in place nothing had changed. In an attempt to sort of forget what just happened, I begin singing along to the song

“I'm just sitting here watching the wheels go round and round,

I really love to watch them roll,

No longer riding on the merry-go-round,

I just had to let it go”

-Watching the Wheels By John Lennon


As those words left my mouth I watched the lyrics to the song float about my car in beautiful italic writing, the words were moving all around, wrapping around me, going out the sunroof and back in through my windows.


Again the warm sensation returns, I felt the exchange being made, I knew what was happening, I told myself, this is where your sanity line comes to an end, let what was once here out as I let the mental patient in.


Deep breathe in

Deep breathe out

Here we go.


Just like that it was done with a blink of an eye I let my sanity go. As I felt my new tenant make herself at home I questioned what would be different now. I didn’t feel right to drive, I made a quick left turn into a side street and parked my car. Pulled my chair backwards laid down and closed my eyes. I wanted to be aware of whatever was in my body properly.


After a few seconds I felt like someone else was inside of me, a girl, a very young girl. I felt her wiggling about, making sure she fit right in, she did. I got up, I opened the mirror and looked at myself, as I looked into my own eyes I could see her, she was hanging up picture frames, priceless works of art inside of me. She was decorating the place without á care in the world, without the thought of the old tenant returning. She was making herself right at home, in á home she somewhat stole, moved in without any real permission.


I shook my head about in hopes that I was see things, but then I realized that I agreed to her moving in, I opened the door for her in fact. Again I looked into the mirror, only I looked much deeper into my own eyes, I wanted to get a closer look.


She was wearing á floral skirt that came down to her knees with á tucked in white off the shoulder top, her hair was messy and curly, with á flower headband. She had á lot of gold rings on, no necklaces.


Deep breathe in,

Deep breathe out.


Again looking deeper, I targeted her eyes; they were hazel with a touch of green in them. Something was off about the color of her eyes, they were hypnotizing, I began to gaze into them, they made you want to vanish in á field filled with flowers & sunshine get lost in á whole new world. This girl is beautiful, stunning in fact, she was everything I wanted to look like, everything I wanted to be. She looked grunchy sort of dirty, skinny, very skinny in fact. She looked like she rarely ate, she didn't look healthy, but my gd she was what I inspired to be one day. I quickly came out of this trance, closed the mirror and lean back.


“What am I saying? What does this all mean? I want to be insane? Am I sick?”

There’s that sanity kicking in again, I stirred her out of me and said to myself “ GO AWAY! I’m through with you, I want this beauty inside of me to set in, I want her NOT you.” I started to shake that little bit of the old me off.


You don’t belong here anymore, I have a new tenant now and this tenant is about to become my landlord. I will answer to her soon, for she is about to take over.